Quick write: “If my heart were…” (inspired by my desk at work and a few other things)

If my heart were a store front shop, it would have a sign: open for business during construction.
If my heart were a plant it would have some yellow dead leaves.
If my heart were a pen, it would run out of ink sometimes
If my heart were a font, it would be hard to read.
If my heart were a pair of scissors, the edges would be sharp.
If my heart were a bottle of hand sanitizer, it would say kills 99% of germs.
If my heart were a computer screen, it would have a gamma ray shield hanging in front of it.
If my heart were a plastic spoon, I would need to wash it in order to eat off it again.
If my heart were a electronic stapler, it would not get tired of trying to hold things together.
If my heart were a telephone, I wouldn’t answer it every time it rang.
If my heart were an email, the subject line would be left blank.
If my heart were a map of the US, it would be color coded, but have no key to say what the colors mean.
If my heart were cubicle, I would want to tears holes in the walls so I could see out.
If my heart were a bottle of water, it be would have lost it screw-on-cap a long time ago.