Ten minute quick write (and then some): Patterns.

Once in kindergarten we had to make patterns using colored pasta.
There were purple ones, green ones, all the colors and all the
shapes. There were little shell like ones, dark blue. I did my
pattern all with these. One upside down and one right side up and so
on. The teacher came by and looked at mine and said that's not right
you have to use different shapes. And she goes on to describe what a
pattern. She didn't notice the subtly of my pattern.

A lot of patterns are subtle. Take living in the dorms. The first
two weeks you try a bunch of different things and then for whatever
reason you choose someone to hang out with. Then they become your
pattern. Its hard to mix it up. Once C dorm kids get to know all the
other C dorm kids they will not hang out with the A dorm kids.
Simple as that. You have to work you way into peoples lives in the
first couple of days of transition or you'll never get in. Or at
least it's a lot harder.

I didn't realize the work place has its dorm like patterns until
today. The first 3 months I cried through every lunch break, so
there was no way I was suitable for making friends with the
coworkers at lunch. I read the new Harry potter book, which was
kindly given to me my first day of life as a true adult with a 40
hour job. That book help me survive. It made the lunch hour seem so
long because its easy to read Harry Potter quickly.

But whatever, it established a pattern. Alessandra disappears at
lunch. Even after I stopped crying through the 60 minutes of
freedom. Of outside of the cubicle. I had to get out of the
building. Now sometimes I am at work and its that 11oclock hour and I just long for a friend. Its a pretty wierd feeling to long for a friend on a floor with 70 people staring at computer screens. But it happens. I run through the people in my mind i could be friends with.
Account Manager Matt: No, it seems like he only would deign to eat lunch with me when he is paying as in saying thank you for being a great assistant.
Marissa: No, She is always too busy to take lunch. She humms and haaws and then says no.
Gil: No, sometimes, I just dont want to hear about the newest cool thing or how great he is.
Deanna: I have hope with this one. Someday we will play frisbee. She said she would want to but, it just hasnt worked out.
Then there are all these other people with their preestablished patterns of lunchtime, with the preestablished groups of friends. and i suddenly become the third grader eating jicama in the cafteria and i try to lie and say its apple, but they see my vegetiable is not a fruit and I get strange looks for the rest of the year.

paingeli
So today I bought a book at lunch. A girl needs a book is she cant have friends. (this doesnt mean I have given up on being friends with people). "In the times of the Butterflies" a fictional book based on the political matyred sister in the dominican republic. Looks good.