Saturday, May 06, 2006

seven 25-cent thoughts

1. On Centipedes and Domestic Partnership Coverage:

There was a little creature probably an inch long with many many millions of legs in my desk plant... where did it come from? At first I was going to leave it there to be my friend... but then I got a picture of millions of these leggy-worms infesting my plant eating it and me, so I scooped it up with a paper clip and threw it away. I did not kill it, but I hope that it can not climb out of the slippery plastic trash liner. I looked in my trashcan and did not see it. I hope that its still there and not crawling along to the floor to my pant leg. I threw some orange peels into the trash. I am sure he will like to nuzzle with them. People take life too seriously about the wrong things: What kind of Domestic Partnership coverage does BlaBla Group have? If you don’t tell me in the next five minutes my desk will explode killing me and then how will I get my job done? I try to calm them down with niceties... “Okay, I will look into that and call you back” I use my sugar voice implying “don’t worry honey-child things will be just fine”. People are so busy trying to figure out CA domestic partnership laws and other useless things that they have no more brainspace to think about death life and salvation. So this is not completely true... I am exaggerating... hyperbolating... but I think it is somewhat true. Perhaps its not just DP laws, but how much does it cost to build a building, how do I beat the 405 traffic, how do I find a higher paying job, what kind of hair cut would look sexiest with my face shape. Truth be told these are all not just mundane things, but temporary. I get caught in them too. But its easier to see when it’s a broker yelling at me about Domestic Partnership coverage.



2. On Potty Training and Road Trips:

I was potty trained on a road trip. I had my little plastic potty and when I needed to use the potty we pulled over on the road some where between Los Angeles and the Dakotas. My mom would pull out the plastic potty out of the car, put it on the side of the road. And I would sit and pee, cars going by. I don’t remember this, but I’ve seen the pictures and in the pictures I’m smiling. Apparently potty training on the side of the road was quite enjoyable. I wonder if this explains why I get desirous for certain kinds of instability: new places, moving or traveling, furniture rearrangements, new journals, new backgrounds on my computer. Each morning my routine is different. However, I still have my need for the familiar, the stable, like my blanket on my bed. I do love my bed and prefer to sleep there, however I can sleep just about anywhere if I have my blanket or something equally as flannel.



3. A poem for Hey You

What’s it take to become a freeway running every direction, time zone, era

Rainbow man with leather hands. He spoke from slave ships to birth when they put you in this room windows to How long you been in LA. I just got here this morning every morning I wake up and I just get here. I don’t got no name ewyoqi vnaot ot thw [alnce K Everybody’s got a name. qoeiur gbwl ;q some woman calls :powqieurq;ljxczvo kaldjf sometime someone baby, call me fella, hey you, yeah hey you I come to LA what that word when you don’t want anybody to know yeah anonymous railroad run over your girl they kill you a nigg* want you dead in the old gangs could be one there they look nice well fed caiur a castrate you once met aeij a;ewpri aab;new someone nice in front of that building rent me a room something about F * C K and then apeori t;owhet owng. Oue the. Aoepr cuz its not real Don’t a;eir;iakdm I learn how to undress em with your eyes. My wife before she fell in love with me I from there by the turnpike when I was jail 15 16 years old work permit. You jewish. Or your anglo saxon. Your great great great grandfather was a pirate on the slaves ship steal the money then let them go sell the slaves to make up for it. He’s chewing on his sandwich strong bites cuz he only got the lower front teeth washing it down with milk he spits and smiles when he talks he asks the passer bys for money even though were sitting a table in subway. I didn’t say nothing about aower owht o he gsotre ptn ba k pmal drugs I said medicine a policea weri laq[ l got shot and took perkadin I need vicadin the pain. Could you spare me a few dollars how bout you you got some okay a salami sandwhich He knew Subway had garlic bread but then opted for the jalepeno. He had two kinds of cheese and foot long instead of twelve and looked at me every time the sandwich maker said it would cost more. He knew exactly how to open the milk plastic bottle and pulled out the half smoked cigarette when we left the restaurant stretching feeling his belly thank you stomach feels good. He stretched out his hand to shake aoe qhet opt ehwo fosr for law mewoiut now. Oieur laien p[q[m .a iuer l ...



4. On Body Heat

The Air conditioning is broken in our building. I don’t know if this is true, they might have just not turned it on today. There were fire trucks outside and my account manager said there was flooding in the parking garage. She said they valet parked her car because of it. So today the building is running on half. I guess I will not report the blinking fluorescent light above my desk to maintenance, the flooding sounds a bit more urgent. Today we must deal with our body heat. It’s the first time in a long time I have not needed a jacket while I sit and stare at my desk. The windows don’t open. Without the air condition, I am reminded of this high-rise truth. I am aware of my skin today and where it ends. It makes me feel a bit claustrophobic.



5. A poem for Celeste

53 and homeless I never thought I would be.
I was staying with my mom in Fontana. She died six months ago. Everything fell apart.
My mother turning in her grave if she knew I was holding this sign, begging:
“Everything Helps. Blessings to you.” Written on the back of a poster for a new Tom Cruise movie.
They make me feel so small. I don’t know what to say. Thank you for stopping today.
No one ever does. No one even looks. I got a secret, walk with me, I can’t tell everybody this.
More than lunch, I want underwear and socks. I’ve been in these clothes so long. I don’t want to tell you girls.
We got to be out of the shelters at 5:30am.
Pray that I get a home. Pray that I get a job.
I’ll just stand here if they let me. I got to make money. I also want new pants.
Am I doing something wrong? Tell me, am I doing something wrong?
I don’t know. I don’t know.

We walk away from Celeste and she turns into a statue, with her sign and her bag.

Her eyes stare off at some invisible thing like the drawbridge between her and the sidewalk throngs.



6. On Elevators

You’d think in the last 100 years or so since elevators have been around, we would have found some way to deal with them besides awkard silence.

The elevator stops and you get on there is someone already on. You walk in as far from the person as the elevator permits and turn and face the doors/buttons. You may cough once just to break the silence. If you daring you might make a comment on the weather, or compliment the other persons shoes. They will grunt a yes or a thank you. You turn back into social beings once outside the moving box.

7. I feel sad. My Friday balloon has been burst. Which is rather ironic because there was a “pep rally” today with free cookies and announcements and free money for hard workers and actual balloons with helium. The management gave the announcement the one co. one team came up with. I felt a bit stolen. Then I got an email that my email privacy taken away from me (my supervisor is going to have access to me inbox). Also, starting next week I will have three account managers to assist rather than just two. Two is very manageable. Three makes me feel like I’m in a whirlwind. The Account Manager I am getting is a whirlwind herself. She uses clichés she to talk up a storm. She prints every email, well actually she prints everything that is printable. And since she has become a senior account manager she has a printer at her desk! She is very friendly and knowledgeable, though, at least she is not perverse nor scary.

No comments: