One Down 364 to go

So I go to the dentist today and he numbs my gums according to where I need fillings (1.5 cavities). “Are you okay?” the dentist asks. “No my eyes feels funny.” I look up and there is two of him. “I cant see right, I have double vision.” I start shaking and crying. They ask me questions and tell me to relax. I ask if this has happened before and he said no. “I am parked at a meter” they say they will put more money it in for me. I pray, because I can’t open my eyes. I realize I am still shaking and I pray. I tell God that I don’t want to go blind. I feel like this is information he wants to know. I feel like this is a fine time for praying. I tell God I am sorry for all the bad thoughts I had thought that day. Its funny how out of your control situations bring you to repent, to see yourself a bit more clearly, a little less worthy of all the things you usually take for granted. I ask God to make it go away. I am no longer crying or shaking. I try to enjoy this leather recliner, this early morning break to sit back and pray. I pray for JCL at LAUP, I pray for GM in Peru, for RT in Cambodia, For everyone else at LAUP. I listen to K-Earth 101 as it is playing in the front office. I hear the weather report.

They leave me alone in the room and bring me a Dixie cup of water. I imagine that he is calling is dad who must also be dentist or looking in thick textbooks, somehow doing research. He comes back in the room and explains what must have happened. “Nerves come in bundles, everyone is different and its just bad luck that I hit a nerve that is connected to your eye. We won’t do any work today. But you will probably have to sit here for an hour to an hour and a half for the numbness to wear off. So that you can drive.” He sits on my right side as he tells me this. I cover my right eye, so that I can see only one of him.

A couple days earlier, I had been telling Anna that sight is my favorite sense. My two fears as a kid were losing my imagination and going blind. The night before I had been describing how I have been feeling like I need to hold things loosely, because whose to say tomorrow the world wont explode. These are my thoughts sometimes and they help me take the unimportant parts of my life (like my job) less seriously.

I tell my mom and my sister what happened via text message. They both call me concerned and ask me who my dentist is. The funny thing is I still trust him. I trust more than the other dentist I’ve been to. I wonder if I should not, if I should find a new dentist. It was hard enough finding his office, now I know where Dr. Yamamoto works. I know his number.

As any American would, I ask “Why is this happening to me?” Not so much because I feel sorry for myself (though afterwards, I was tempted to buy myself a sweet roll in consolation), but because I want to know what I am supposed to learn from this peculiar way of starting a Monday morning.

Possible lessons:

• I am not in control
• Maybe I was supposed to pray right then. As I was praying for GM and JCL I got this picture of God reaching his hand on their hearts; doing a little CPR action.
• Something about seeing and vision.
• Dr. Yamamoto don’t know what he’s doing.
• Even when I arrive early and feel on top of my game; the game may start on the basketball court, but end up on a golf course.

Any ideas...