Warning

Quick write: Frustration

Cookies and cream cupcake sitting in the pit of my stomach with residue on the top of my mouth. Conversation, one sided and uninvolved. Dirty Dishes in the sink after hands soaps and sudsy from the now clean dishes. Tired eyes. Day gone. Nothing Accomplished.
No words. Just thirsty. My roommates are leaving and making plans. I have no plans. I am tired of planning. I want to throw all planners into a fire. I want to throw all calendars into the Scattergood Waste Facility. I want to drowned out all sound all conversations with music in my ears but I dont have an extra plug, the batteries have run out and the cd sits lonely in the discman unmoving. Yesterday I screamed into my pillow. I think that is why I am thirsty today. My neck is sore. I am trying to savor my lunch time. My one forty five minute period of happiness. I felt like going outside. Surprisingly warm though it looked rather gray out (i think it was just smog hanging about the windows). I walk armed with my lunch to the park and there is a band with lovely lovely salsa/spanish guitar music. I sat in the breeze with the sunshine, feeling like this, this is why i got dressed today. This is why i put on eyeliner. This is why i got out of bed. Sadly there was a clock in the park and i could see that it was time to go back to work. I threw the mango skins away. I pulled myself off the grass, slipped my feet back in the shoes and walked trying to snatch some of the fast guitar strings plucked notes between my teeth. I pretended my walking was dancing. I pretended my job was enjoyable. I pretended to not be afraid. I pretended not to notice the construction workers as I weaved my hand through the air to the music i could no longer hear.

Cease. Cease. Receipts belong with dayplanners. And the car parked out on the street that is long as a boat, brown as a dirty shoe, with tiny silver naked ladies on the grill that parks for days at time and takes up two spaces because it did not have the courtesy to pull up a couple of feet.

There is no place like the laundromat to make you appreciate your life.
Things to be thankful for:
1. I only have to do laundry for myself (not my kids, nor my husband)
2. I only have to entertain myself at the laundrymat (not my kids, nor my husband)
3. I only have myself to blame for all the dirty clothes (not my kids nor my husband).

True love is doing someone laundry free of bitterness. I wonder if that is even possible. The mothers at the laundrymat were so tired they did not even raise their eyes when their kids, shouted "momma".

For Lease

One slightly used pair of hands attached to one slightly damaged heart.

Inseperable from one college educated brain,
eyes witness to the city poured down the drain.

All the contents of her experience fill up a single shopping cart,
the one with a wobbly wheel.

Her Ears have absorb a small girl's squeel,
running through the landromat.

Human Interaction (a quick write i owe to Nam)

Human interaction involves seeing more than dollar signs and hands that make xerox copies. Its more than a means to an end. If you and I do this we will accomplish this. Whether it be holy things or unholy things Human Beings are more than a means to an end.

Human interaction is like a pause over an open file cabinent door to laugh about something funny (not bitter). It is the man at the bakery who takes 20 minutes to write on the top of the birthday cake because he wants to get the message right and beautiful so it takes several tries. Human interaction is like surgery. open and bloody. human interaction is like a using the crayons to color in the pictures of a coloring book changing a page from black and white to multicolored. Human interaction makes me feel alive and sometimes i miss it.

One day at work i just needed a hug and though i was with about 70 people i didnt feel like i could just go and ask for a hug for anyone. This made me sad. The situation has since changed as i have pushed through the dollar signs, and filing, and proprieties and made it to human interaction.

peace

good night

love and shalom

"If he sends us to the ende of the earth to communicate God's love, this takes place above all through a dialogue of life...By choosing to love, we discover a space of freedom to create a future for ourselves and for those entrusted to us..." --Br. Alois

Jury Appreciation Week!

Is the best week to be a juror! There is cookies and apples and juice and festive american flags hung on the podium. All the different people come and thank us and tell us about their job! Viva le judicial system.

Yeah for Jury Duty!

Action is Eloquence--- Shakespeare

1. I dare you to give you your own interpretation of that quote. Go on. I dare you.


2. My housematey, sent me an amazing link. Beware, there is much do and much to do and it doesn't look at all like the EOC request forms or the 51-250 ren. vouchers. So keep a finger or two on the alt-tab-escape mode. http://www.zefrank.com/


3. What are the repeated words in your life that are underscored, highlighted, circled and in bold?

4. Live for the moments of interactions with the human and the devine.

5. As a opposed to the moments of the beaucratic and politic (although those are human constructions).

6. TY - We revised your total tax based on your adjusted gross income, filing status, and the dependents shown.

7. Four girls, more or less the same height, stood on the beach, in the slight wind, in their jeans and cardigans, their church clothes. Their hair is brown against their skin and the sand and the foggy sky. They smile at the camera, smile at the stranger holding the camera, pausing his life to capture a moment of their lives. Before the sun came out to tan. They smile into a future they can not see, through a past of cobwebs and tears and spelling bees. For a moment they are arm in arm.

8. Eternal. Vast. Big. Large. In. Charge. Compare. No one. Else. Me. and. You. In. This. Now. Far. Near. Way Back. Son. Burn.