I am infact sitting on my roommates dirty laundry basket as the plumber's take everything in my bathroom apart. They have finally admitted that there are major plumbing problems. i have my shoes on and i am ready to go.
Ready to breathe foreign air. Ready to be surrounded by strangers. Ready to leave english behind.
Hopeful to relax. Hopeful for a promise. Hopeful for greenery.
N came over again and i helped her do her homework. by helped all i mean is i helped her sit down and concentrate on the questions at hand.
postcards and airplanes
green pastures, quiet waters
return and return
_
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Auvior
I obviously do not know how to spell or speak French but i bought a phrase book today.
I am ooh la la excited.
It is past my bedtime but i can't sleep.
I leave in less than 48 hours. Still so much to do!
I helped N------ do her homework tonight. 15 year olds are not quite as scary as i thought.
Good night moon, good night u.s.
I am ooh la la excited.
It is past my bedtime but i can't sleep.
I leave in less than 48 hours. Still so much to do!
I helped N------ do her homework tonight. 15 year olds are not quite as scary as i thought.
Good night moon, good night u.s.
The Gossip!
1. Hi
2. So I finally have a moment to write and all I can think about is the food that is being served next to me as I am covering the phones. I was not an employee of the month. I do not get the food.
If you do not choose the side of the oppressed you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant is standing on the tail of a mouse and you stay neutral the mouse will not appreciate you neutrality. Desmond Tutu said something of the sort. I wrote it on the white board next to my desk.
My boss reads it: "what if the elephant has a logical reason? What if I don't have an elephant gun?"
Me: "don't get me started. I am feeling very political today." [Should have said spiritual]
F walks by and reads: "some quotes are very stupid"
Me: "that's what happens when you read about the world."
J: "Heehe, that's funny. I mean not funny."
I am hungry but I am not a mouse. I am trying to choose sides with the mouse.
How to do that?
3. I like words.
4. The bathroom is in a constant state of brokenness. What analogies can I learn from a toilet that gets clogged too easily and rejects the smallest square of toilet paper. From a sink is crooked and so leaks down the side of the sink, rotting the floor. From the bathtub which is now leaking hot water, filling a bucket per minute while my housemates and I try to figure out what to do with all of it. We have watered the plants and flushed the toilet, cleaned the floor and our feet with this water.
My bathroom is a third world country. The floor and walls are crumbling. We ask the landlords to fix it to fix it to fix it. And they fix one thing temporarily two weeks later and by that time a new problem as occurred.
5. I am also thinking about graffiti. I recently read an article that described how the city is going to be cracking down on this crime that's disgracing cement surfaces everywhere: we have up'd the punishment for graffiti so its easier to be convicted of felony. I feel like Los Angeles has cancer and our doctor has prescribed us a very strong acne treatment.
6.
Re: homeless
From: Lynn K--- [l----@gmail.com] [used withouth person, sorry, L. I didnt think you would mind].
To: S----------, Alessandra K
I have similar sentiments.
As I walked rather somberly around the block today, I saw AJ on the corner with his sign and cup again. I couldn't bring myself to speak to him or toinquire why he was back. Horrible as itsounds, I thought that if I pretended he wasn't there, maybe I could hope that he hadn't regressed, that he didn't have anymore excuses, that he had found his way out of poverty to a redeemed life. so i walked by without a word.
i then walked to Rite Aid where I found a cat-lessRicky asking people to help the homeless today. I wondered why he would change his post, when figueroa seemed so much friendlier and more acquainted with his presence. maybe he needed something new, to try out a different crowd, maybe one impartial to whether he had a cat or not.
has our time here in downtown been worth anything?
are we really suppose to remedy poverty? or are the poor suppose to always be among us so that our selfishness will always be confronted and hopefully abated?
answerless questions.
Lynn
On 3/26/07, S-------, Alessandra K <A--------@---.com > wrote:
I walked by this homeless lady who sits on the corner of 7th and flower often with a puppy. She wasn't asking for money today she was crying out desperately "Why don't you just kill me I am tired of it......" It was grievous. I didn't know what to do so I tried to pray for her (not with her, just for her as I passed).
Ay dios mio.
Ricky was also around asking for a buck desperately and I had a feeling it was for drugs as I offered him food and he said no there weren't any food places around.
At the same time they were filming sidewalk scenes for a movie or something and a man dressed in gold was dancing for quarters.
Los Angeles what are we going to do with you?
7. I really enjoyed the movie The Holiday. It was a good romantic sigh and laugh.
8. Can 7 really come after 6? Yes. It can. And it does. But the whole time I was thinking the only reason I can like these characters is because I have not seen them step over homeless people. In the context of the movie they were lovable. In the context of the world they were all despicable. I don't care if your heart is broken. Use all the love you had for Mr. Wrong and give it over to Mr and Ms the world has done me wrong.
2. So I finally have a moment to write and all I can think about is the food that is being served next to me as I am covering the phones. I was not an employee of the month. I do not get the food.
If you do not choose the side of the oppressed you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant is standing on the tail of a mouse and you stay neutral the mouse will not appreciate you neutrality. Desmond Tutu said something of the sort. I wrote it on the white board next to my desk.
My boss reads it: "what if the elephant has a logical reason? What if I don't have an elephant gun?"
Me: "don't get me started. I am feeling very political today." [Should have said spiritual]
F walks by and reads: "some quotes are very stupid"
Me: "that's what happens when you read about the world."
J: "Heehe, that's funny. I mean not funny."
I am hungry but I am not a mouse. I am trying to choose sides with the mouse.
How to do that?
3. I like words.
4. The bathroom is in a constant state of brokenness. What analogies can I learn from a toilet that gets clogged too easily and rejects the smallest square of toilet paper. From a sink is crooked and so leaks down the side of the sink, rotting the floor. From the bathtub which is now leaking hot water, filling a bucket per minute while my housemates and I try to figure out what to do with all of it. We have watered the plants and flushed the toilet, cleaned the floor and our feet with this water.
My bathroom is a third world country. The floor and walls are crumbling. We ask the landlords to fix it to fix it to fix it. And they fix one thing temporarily two weeks later and by that time a new problem as occurred.
5. I am also thinking about graffiti. I recently read an article that described how the city is going to be cracking down on this crime that's disgracing cement surfaces everywhere: we have up'd the punishment for graffiti so its easier to be convicted of felony. I feel like Los Angeles has cancer and our doctor has prescribed us a very strong acne treatment.
6.
Re: homeless
From: Lynn K--- [l----@gmail.com] [used withouth person, sorry, L. I didnt think you would mind].
To: S----------, Alessandra K
I have similar sentiments.
As I walked rather somberly around the block today, I saw AJ on the corner with his sign and cup again. I couldn't bring myself to speak to him or toinquire why he was back. Horrible as itsounds, I thought that if I pretended he wasn't there, maybe I could hope that he hadn't regressed, that he didn't have anymore excuses, that he had found his way out of poverty to a redeemed life. so i walked by without a word.
i then walked to Rite Aid where I found a cat-lessRicky asking people to help the homeless today. I wondered why he would change his post, when figueroa seemed so much friendlier and more acquainted with his presence. maybe he needed something new, to try out a different crowd, maybe one impartial to whether he had a cat or not.
has our time here in downtown been worth anything?
are we really suppose to remedy poverty? or are the poor suppose to always be among us so that our selfishness will always be confronted and hopefully abated?
answerless questions.
Lynn
On 3/26/07, S-------, Alessandra K <A--------@---
I walked by this homeless lady who sits on the corner of 7th and flower often with a puppy. She wasn't asking for money today she was crying out desperately "Why don't you just kill me I am tired of it......" It was grievous. I didn't know what to do so I tried to pray for her (not with her, just for her as I passed).
Ay dios mio.
Ricky was also around asking for a buck desperately and I had a feeling it was for drugs as I offered him food and he said no there weren't any food places around.
At the same time they were filming sidewalk scenes for a movie or something and a man dressed in gold was dancing for quarters.
Los Angeles what are we going to do with you?
7. I really enjoyed the movie The Holiday. It was a good romantic sigh and laugh.
8. Can 7 really come after 6? Yes. It can. And it does. But the whole time I was thinking the only reason I can like these characters is because I have not seen them step over homeless people. In the context of the movie they were lovable. In the context of the world they were all despicable. I don't care if your heart is broken. Use all the love you had for Mr. Wrong and give it over to Mr and Ms the world has done me wrong.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Baaa!
O Little Sheep
Senseless Sheep
Estranged but not leaving,
afraid but not shaking.
Chewing on the grass
trying to appreciate the green & his own breath
O Senseless Sheep
Aware of your own lack.
These voices are calling, conflicting and confusing
as tracing the decent of a rain drop in a storm.
The Sheep will not be moved.
Will not come to the sound of his name.
He cannot remember how these voices entered the pen.
Was it through the Gate? or over the fence?
To run away or to follow?
He continues to chew on the grass before him. Not without hope,
but no longer straining to listen.
Senseless Sheep
Estranged but not leaving,
afraid but not shaking.
Chewing on the grass
trying to appreciate the green & his own breath
O Senseless Sheep
Aware of your own lack.
These voices are calling, conflicting and confusing
as tracing the decent of a rain drop in a storm.
The Sheep will not be moved.
Will not come to the sound of his name.
He cannot remember how these voices entered the pen.
Was it through the Gate? or over the fence?
To run away or to follow?
He continues to chew on the grass before him. Not without hope,
but no longer straining to listen.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
The place that reminds me of aliens.
The strange building at LAX was closed today. I am glad i recently met my brother there when he had a lay-over.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
yoga
yoga helped me on the bus today so i can stand there an not fall as the bus driver took corners a little too quickly and red lights a little too seriously
smoking is like yoga: thinking about breath.
These are not new thoughts and they bother me.
i ate too many cookies.
tomorrow is friday and a half of a friday at that.
i had a very productive day at work. sifted through 40 new emails, processed 5 RFPs, did some of the paperwork for a new group, got a couple of compliments from the boss
but i couldnt think of a quote for my quote board, so my neighbor put one up. Something about character and the true you being what doesnt change when the circumstances do. She drew a shamrock next to it. She might have well have drawn a rainbow and puppy and smiley face. She is 30 and her marriage is falling a part. I hear it everyday through one sided half whispered and half yelled conversations to her lazy, good for nothing husband, who massages her feet, cuts the vegatables, and does other random nice things, but can't manage to do the laundry, get a job or be kind to the neighbors. i have a few opinions of my own but mostly i am just sick of hearing the phone calls. That proverb about the nagging wife is v. true.
I saw V for Vendetta and i really recommend it. Made me think about a lot of things. enjoyable and nice costumes.
Nam, if you are reading this can you tell me what your blog is because i would like to know but i dont know how to find it and i never remember to ask you from werk because werk is a blogless world. Only Amazon and the Latimes are accessible from work. Did you know that the cross word puzzle is not blocked as most games are.
good night.
smoking is like yoga: thinking about breath.
These are not new thoughts and they bother me.
i ate too many cookies.
tomorrow is friday and a half of a friday at that.
i had a very productive day at work. sifted through 40 new emails, processed 5 RFPs, did some of the paperwork for a new group, got a couple of compliments from the boss
but i couldnt think of a quote for my quote board, so my neighbor put one up. Something about character and the true you being what doesnt change when the circumstances do. She drew a shamrock next to it. She might have well have drawn a rainbow and puppy and smiley face. She is 30 and her marriage is falling a part. I hear it everyday through one sided half whispered and half yelled conversations to her lazy, good for nothing husband, who massages her feet, cuts the vegatables, and does other random nice things, but can't manage to do the laundry, get a job or be kind to the neighbors. i have a few opinions of my own but mostly i am just sick of hearing the phone calls. That proverb about the nagging wife is v. true.
I saw V for Vendetta and i really recommend it. Made me think about a lot of things. enjoyable and nice costumes.
Nam, if you are reading this can you tell me what your blog is because i would like to know but i dont know how to find it and i never remember to ask you from werk because werk is a blogless world. Only Amazon and the Latimes are accessible from work. Did you know that the cross word puzzle is not blocked as most games are.
good night.
Monday, March 05, 2007
How Lame is Lame?
Lame is buying the more expensive drain-o and your sink still being clogged.
Lame is taking risks and coming home the same way you left.
Lame is Tuesday.
Lame is Tired.
Lame is jelly in the pit of your stomach.
Lame is the delete button not un-sending emails.
Lame is pushing play through a play.
Lame is finding comfort in a stick of chewing gum.
Lame is a dog with three legs barking at you.
Lame is a motorcycle racing down the street.
Lame is smelling cigarrette smoke and vying for a drag.
Lame is weighing 130 pounds and feeling fat.
Lame is no one.
Lame is the crick in your neck that won't go away after two days and two hours of yoga and another nights rest.
Lame is losing the receipt to the overpriced drain-o.
Lame is not saying goodbye.
Lame is someone's back.
Lame is pretty lame.
Lame is taking risks and coming home the same way you left.
Lame is Tuesday.
Lame is Tired.
Lame is jelly in the pit of your stomach.
Lame is the delete button not un-sending emails.
Lame is pushing play through a play.
Lame is finding comfort in a stick of chewing gum.
Lame is a dog with three legs barking at you.
Lame is a motorcycle racing down the street.
Lame is smelling cigarrette smoke and vying for a drag.
Lame is weighing 130 pounds and feeling fat.
Lame is no one.
Lame is the crick in your neck that won't go away after two days and two hours of yoga and another nights rest.
Lame is losing the receipt to the overpriced drain-o.
Lame is not saying goodbye.
Lame is someone's back.
Lame is pretty lame.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
That thing with Feathers
A click of the finger; a tap of the wand
A hole in my pocket; a dream in my head
I will be lifted up; By the wings of a plane
With a jacket, a backpack and a pen, I will travel.
I breathe French air. I will settle into a chatter I will not understand.
I will be alone, the way a rose garden looks when it is pruned, before it can bloom again.
That is my feathery way of saying I clicked on a button and bought a plane ticket to Paris
I will not have an alarm clock or a gym pass. I will not have green dollars in my pocket.
Hope is the thing with feathers Emily Dickinson wrote once locked in the attic of her parents house, while looking out the window.
I can name that thing. It a bird with wings that can fly above the smog and clouds and look down on the rooftops that look so small.
I had a small revelation last night that took a 100 pound weight off my back. I hadn’t known it was there.
It was this, God doesn’t need me to take care of the poor. SERIOUSLY. I had spoken of this, acknowledging that in my life that I could do very little and so God better have it under control cuz I certainly didn’t. But the thought came to me in a new way. Like a bird flying through the fog, slowing becoming more and more visible. If I do no live among the poor, if I do not devote my waking life to being on the so-called “front lines” fighting the war on poverty it is okay. God will still win the war. God will still be pleased with me.
It is something obvious. I feel stupid to type it right now. But it is something I did not understand with my muscles and bones. It was just words on page before I learned how to read. So taken in was I by this call to justice, that I didn’t realize that Jesus was trying to call me to Life. It is simple as that. Choose life, breath, the living water. And yes justice is a part of that. I could still live in the slums of a foreign country learning a new language and washing my clothes in a bucket, but that will not be tomorrow and it will be a free choice not an obligation.
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