adult a dolt

be warned this is another quickwrite with no ideas or premeditiated metaphors. I am sitting on the couch in a completely uncomfortable way. My special needs computer has won the right to be comfortable or else he will not work. so stay awake a little longer computer. it is almost 7 am on saturday morning after a long week of being an adult. scrubbing carpet, making decisions, and more decisions and more decisions. and enjoying the consquences, clean carpet, 6 more months at blue cross and a large headache. i went bar hopping last night. It was aiight. But I dont know how my coworkers make a regular habit of it. its like recess, but not as fun and you play the same game every time you go out to play, and its not a very fun game. But its fun enough, and there is promise of unexpected times, and compared to cubicles its glorious. But i think its the mud pie in the c.s. lewis mud pie/day at the beach analogy...i.e. the child who would rather stay in the slum making mud pies, than go to sea shore because he dont know what the sea shore is. have you ever smelled the mud in the slums. not something I like to make a habit of.

A friend recently told me that in adjusting to new cultures there are 4 stages and i dont remember them all, something like, honey moon, laughter, ?, adapted. I think bars are for the people especially in the laughter stage as they are trying to adjust to the culture of adultism. !!ha my ex-boyfriends still living with me. !!ha i hate my life, my job, my girlfriend, my lack of girlfriend, i am tired, i am drunk!!! hahahahaha and every one is laughing and there really is no punch line and i laugh a long, but i kind of feel slightly embarrassed for them/us and want to turn and look the other way. I will not notice your double chin when you laugh, I will laugh instead of thinking about how pathetic your life is and that you can't even say sentences straight because you are a terrible drunk. Karl Marx said that religion is the opiate of the masses, but i think he is wrong. I think opium is the opiate of the masses, and by opium i do mean alcohol because its much easier to get. Alcohol after work, Value Bucks and the "peer excellence award" during work and the masses stay happy and subdued and it becomes a doltish routine.

My shoes make my feet smell. I have never been the smelly foot girl before. Shhh don't tell anyone. Just turn and look the other way.

I will have to go to the beach very soon.

Another friend of mine told me that if i can not hear from god right now just keep moving/living forward remembering and doing the last thing God told me. I feel like the last two things I have heard from God are: everythings going to be okay and I will not leave you, with the sense that the door is open for me to go exploring.

I have my flashlight, my rope, my hiking boots and my blanky. I am ready for an adventure. Right after this headache goes away. I should go back to sleep.