December 29

Today I December 29.

I woke unsatisfied—aware of the missing.

Played cat’s cradle—unraveling my innards, wrapping them around my hands. Stretching this way for the ones I can not speak to, pulling that way for the ones I should not speak to, and loop back around. Here I am, I pray, I want to live life well.

Watched the Gilmore Girls episode where Kirk is in the fiddler on the roof production.

Sat in a room of 143 Yogi’s chanting Shanti Shanti Shanti in major and minor chord successions. I later learned this means peace and has to do with the force, life force, breath, shalom. Whatever you want it to mean as long as you don’t fight. I prayed, WWJD, tell parables, love and respect and say, I have never found so much faith in LA.

Cried in the shower. Did not pick up the phone. Spoke—the tones in my throat the bottom of a river. I tried to float, but could not.

Thank God for DVDs.