i have been living in a run on sentence
i have added a few conjunctions and transitive verbs
but mostly i have been sliding ungrammatically over commas
like an intertube ride at a waterpark
When we started this with a sentence we pretended to have structure, but mostly i had no idea what i wanted. i just wanted to get away.
i am eavesdropping on a pair of people who are starting a new business
this is evidence of the sliding around
i am afraid of waste
i recycle all the paper products, plastic bottles and
i ate the eggs and the bread they set before as the token woman who actually eats food.
inside the plastic bottles thrown into the green bins were my heart strings
i cut them off so i could recycle them.
the lady starting the new business is making me hate her
she talks too loudly is too self assured
wearing bangles that chuckle with glee at her success
these moments that i am not at work are semi-precious gems
i just hope she knows how expensive she is
she is the only benefit
the ocean views, the blackberries, the breathing and the sing
her worries, our prayers, back rubs, she made me sing in front of drunk people
i sang to the trees because no one else will remember
i feel a bit nibbled on.
i want my fingers back. i think buying shoes will bring me independence
but i probably cant not walk in them
modern day foot binding
the song came on the radio:
"lovely day, its going to be a lovely day"
POV, FOR
consider me these things, point of view and frame of reference
i have nothing to complain about
i had a great time
i went to me drive in movie theatre
i saw people i love
though people can suffer from disease of too many words and hurtful remarks much more than trees and time zones, trees and time zones did not create me, do not hug me the same way arms and a brain can
i am okay with not holding anything in my hands
but i cant smile just yet.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Ice Coffee
Ode to G
She lives in a reality of 32 teeth implants
diamonds pendants
of constantly being 10 lbs too many
her conversation is a balloon ride
her past is a mirror of men in love with her
a glass of chardonnay
slipped into and sipped for the last 3/4 century
answering machines of women who hate her hang up on her
she doesnt believe in machines
the intranet is as distant as the moon
she cruises in minks to alaska
bids farewell to dublin
she sits in a shoe
her feet are the shape of barbie's
she is in competition with barbara walters
a raspy voice at certain times of the day
tennis has turned into paddle ball this is the only sign of her age
she thinks evil thoughts of her sister dying alone in the old country
her teeth, a picket fence
her opinions lost on the fake marble floor among the things the cleaning ladies have not cared to sweep up
she can not turn her neck and see that her pants sag where her butt should be
i love her.
She lives in a reality of 32 teeth implants
diamonds pendants
of constantly being 10 lbs too many
her conversation is a balloon ride
her past is a mirror of men in love with her
a glass of chardonnay
slipped into and sipped for the last 3/4 century
answering machines of women who hate her hang up on her
she doesnt believe in machines
the intranet is as distant as the moon
she cruises in minks to alaska
bids farewell to dublin
she sits in a shoe
her feet are the shape of barbie's
she is in competition with barbara walters
a raspy voice at certain times of the day
tennis has turned into paddle ball this is the only sign of her age
she thinks evil thoughts of her sister dying alone in the old country
her teeth, a picket fence
her opinions lost on the fake marble floor among the things the cleaning ladies have not cared to sweep up
she can not turn her neck and see that her pants sag where her butt should be
i love her.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
a list of things i have learned tod. ay
1. Barbara Walters had had so many face lifts it looks like she has trouble smiling.
2. baby deer have big big ears
3. folding napkins when you want to jump out the window in shapes of metaphorical sea cliffs is quite a riot.
4. urns can be found at kitchen/housewares stores
5. people think j is dark skinned
6. i like spicey carrots, cookie dough ice cream and other things that other people dont't.
7. my sister is a accessory genuis. (not the crime kind, but the jewelry kind)
8. GREs can't judge me.
9. creative hiking is the best next thing when there are no mountains
10. its hard to blog with an interactive sister
11. matteress deliverys are quite painless.
12. time still passes when you go in a circle.
13. i love the cat outside the window
14. i love arcade lines at brainbasher.com
15. the view gives away great goodies.
2. baby deer have big big ears
3. folding napkins when you want to jump out the window in shapes of metaphorical sea cliffs is quite a riot.
4. urns can be found at kitchen/housewares stores
5. people think j is dark skinned
6. i like spicey carrots, cookie dough ice cream and other things that other people dont't.
7. my sister is a accessory genuis. (not the crime kind, but the jewelry kind)
8. GREs can't judge me.
9. creative hiking is the best next thing when there are no mountains
10. its hard to blog with an interactive sister
11. matteress deliverys are quite painless.
12. time still passes when you go in a circle.
13. i love the cat outside the window
14. i love arcade lines at brainbasher.com
15. the view gives away great goodies.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Picking Berries
Ocean scapes
punctuated with compliments and hybrids
they're pouring the cement tomorrow
taking the vitamins today
and i'm complaining on the insides
dripping out of me
i dont know how to load a dishwasher
but i practiced a yoga breath
and did not say 'dammit'
excuses, excuses
what part of me is so uncomfortable...
driving through the wealth and comfort and thinking of all the people who will never have enough money to live this lifestyle.
but the people who do have that kind of prosperity, have made these choices for this kind of eco-luxury lifestyle they are just people with lost and confused lifelines even if they think they know anything just like the rest of us urban dwellwers.
punctuated with compliments and hybrids
they're pouring the cement tomorrow
taking the vitamins today
and i'm complaining on the insides
dripping out of me
i dont know how to load a dishwasher
but i practiced a yoga breath
and did not say 'dammit'
excuses, excuses
what part of me is so uncomfortable...
driving through the wealth and comfort and thinking of all the people who will never have enough money to live this lifestyle.
but the people who do have that kind of prosperity, have made these choices for this kind of eco-luxury lifestyle they are just people with lost and confused lifelines even if they think they know anything just like the rest of us urban dwellwers.
Monday, July 16, 2007
The Martyr
10 students
walking hand-in-hand
blue metal gate & winding dirt road
machine-guns pelted the stillness
Shukria teetered into the soft brown
breath
too heavy to lift
Opened her heart &
vanished amid the wheat field
Fear Grips Afghans as War Enters Classrooms
walking hand-in-hand
blue metal gate & winding dirt road
machine-guns pelted the stillness
Shukria teetered into the soft brown
breath
too heavy to lift
Opened her heart &
vanished amid the wheat field
Fear Grips Afghans as War Enters Classrooms
Friday, July 13, 2007
Eggs
Because I miss you, I eat sunny side up eggs over pasta with beans and I was only missing some greens.
I wonder where my envelopes have gone
I had to use a spatula and the card had no envelope.
I;ve distracted myself with bald
tires for driving away and away
I've packed my gym bag full of underwear and t shirts
My tent is in the middle of my floor
I have not pondered the upcoming days, except for the things I will miss
Her depression is impenetrable, like jello with too much gelatin.
I poke with shoulds, with CDs, with hellos from distant strangers
I worry but not too much.
Eggs are for hatching.
Tomorrow will be a day like never before, unprecedented amount of time.
Math problems are meant to be simplified and vocabulary to be mystified.
Aliens have scars on their forheads and come from planets with lots of vowel.
And the other guy thought he was special because his book had been published. To me its not surprising, of course people want to hear a latino trash talk his own culture, its what they have been waiting for since if they did said the things he did, they would be called bigots. He has personal stories, I bet. *
Let's all meet at Frank and Deans.
(* I am referring to this author i met the other day, whose name and book title i will not give because I dont want to advertise this ridiculous man... actually, I guess i should read the book before i criticize it so badly, but i just can't believe he is of that opinion)
Oh Lord have mercy.
I wonder where my envelopes have gone
I had to use a spatula and the card had no envelope.
I;ve distracted myself with bald
tires for driving away and away
I've packed my gym bag full of underwear and t shirts
My tent is in the middle of my floor
I have not pondered the upcoming days, except for the things I will miss
Her depression is impenetrable, like jello with too much gelatin.
I poke with shoulds, with CDs, with hellos from distant strangers
I worry but not too much.
Eggs are for hatching.
Tomorrow will be a day like never before, unprecedented amount of time.
Math problems are meant to be simplified and vocabulary to be mystified.
Aliens have scars on their forheads and come from planets with lots of vowel.
And the other guy thought he was special because his book had been published. To me its not surprising, of course people want to hear a latino trash talk his own culture, its what they have been waiting for since if they did said the things he did, they would be called bigots. He has personal stories, I bet. *
Let's all meet at Frank and Deans.
(* I am referring to this author i met the other day, whose name and book title i will not give because I dont want to advertise this ridiculous man... actually, I guess i should read the book before i criticize it so badly, but i just can't believe he is of that opinion)
Oh Lord have mercy.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
"If you can't do it safely, don't do it"
This was the catchy slogan on the advertisement near the ceiling of the F Dash for applying to be a bus driver.
While, it makes me a little uncomfortable thinking about who applies to be a bus driver, it also makes me think.
It seems to be in contridiction to the statement form an ani song that says,
"i got to divide my emotions
between wrong and right
then i get to see how close i can get to it
without giving in
then i get to rub up against it
till i break the skin"
The first quote speaks about self-control and maybe the second one does too.
What do you think about self-control?
Anger rolling and frothing under her skin from years of swallowing the hate she felt in their eyes jerked her elbow into to this lightskinned man's ribs. He wasn't white. But he certainly wasn't black, and she couldn't stand the way he followed her into the store muttering under his breath as if she didn't know what she was doing there. The elbow jerk seemed as involuntary and unwarranted as the shoebox slap, as the shove, and the yelling. The yelling.
On a couch watching a movie, they ended up in his apartment alone.
Just one more drink.
I will clean my room tomorrow. I will study tomorrow. I will be someone tomorrow.
The benefits for not doing it if you can't do it safely are silent, often unsatisfying, often the absence of something else happening. Its tempting to think of temperance as boring. We want fireworks and we want them now. If we happened to get burned, there is a hospital down the street, and a host of swear words stored in my throat to voice my regret.
While, it makes me a little uncomfortable thinking about who applies to be a bus driver, it also makes me think.
It seems to be in contridiction to the statement form an ani song that says,
"i got to divide my emotions
between wrong and right
then i get to see how close i can get to it
without giving in
then i get to rub up against it
till i break the skin"
The first quote speaks about self-control and maybe the second one does too.
What do you think about self-control?
Anger rolling and frothing under her skin from years of swallowing the hate she felt in their eyes jerked her elbow into to this lightskinned man's ribs. He wasn't white. But he certainly wasn't black, and she couldn't stand the way he followed her into the store muttering under his breath as if she didn't know what she was doing there. The elbow jerk seemed as involuntary and unwarranted as the shoebox slap, as the shove, and the yelling. The yelling.
On a couch watching a movie, they ended up in his apartment alone.
Just one more drink.
I will clean my room tomorrow. I will study tomorrow. I will be someone tomorrow.
The benefits for not doing it if you can't do it safely are silent, often unsatisfying, often the absence of something else happening. Its tempting to think of temperance as boring. We want fireworks and we want them now. If we happened to get burned, there is a hospital down the street, and a host of swear words stored in my throat to voice my regret.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Risks and Benefits
1. Friday Night Charismatic Prayer meeting - attended
---> Prayer, A good time, A movie, good food, and a family came to church on sunday
2. Watching Movie with someone who I would normally say no to - attended
---> Movie watched, a beer, human interaction
3. Saying yes to a table, someone else said no to - accepted
---> a new table, and a project to sandpaper
4. Baking cookies on an already hot day - done
---> yummy cookies
5. Giving the cookies away to neighbors (who only speak spanish)- prayerful, hesitation
---> practice my spanish, one big taco cooked over a bbq = to 5 tacos, new friends,
practice being, starting conversation
---> Prayer, A good time, A movie, good food, and a family came to church on sunday
2. Watching Movie with someone who I would normally say no to - attended
---> Movie watched, a beer, human interaction
3. Saying yes to a table, someone else said no to - accepted
---> a new table, and a project to sandpaper
4. Baking cookies on an already hot day - done
---> yummy cookies
5. Giving the cookies away to neighbors (who only speak spanish)- prayerful, hesitation
---> practice my spanish, one big taco cooked over a bbq = to 5 tacos, new friends,
practice being, starting conversation
Beach Comber
William came from a landlocked state, grew up during the years of drought, where all the lakes dried up and not even Uncle Joe with the greenest thumb of them all coulda grown a stalk of corn to flowering. Needless to say he never learned how to swim.
The ocean had started its talking once when he went to the picture show. there it was glistening on the black and white screen, moving and alive like nothing he had ever seen. The prairie lands during a windstorm came somewhat close,the tall blades of grass rolling to the winds howl, but not with all that wet intensity of ocean. Miles and miles of water.
15 train rides and 21 odd jobs later he had made it to California. It seemed no matter how long he'd been in this most western state, he never quit being amazed. The women amazed them in their brightly colored bikinis. The number of lanes in the road amazed him. the building with their flat rooftops amazed him. But mostly the ocean amazed it.
It had been calling to him since that picture. It whispering his name in the roar of the trains. "William, William" Whenever he stayed too long in one of those inbetween towns saving up money for the next train ride, it started again. "William, I promise you gold." it said once in the squeak of the hinge of the screen door of the diner where he had been doing dishes. He looked up and towards the door as some customers were leaving. The ocean had never promised him anything before. It usually only said his name, in a soft comforting way, like the voice of momma rocking her child to sleep. He started washing the dishes a little more slowing waiting for more customers to make use of that squeaky screen door. "Gold" is all the voice offered when the next time the screen door was opened.
He quit his job that night, counting the savings he had kept in the pocket of the pants that he packed at the bottom of his one suitcase. Pants that never wore anymore because they had worn so thin and all the belt loops has fallen off.
$98.34 That ought to get me closer.
That night had been about 34 years ago. That next day would be his last train ride. Once he set eyes the ocean, a stormy thing of mysteries, he vowed never to leave. "William, William, william" the ocean spoke with every crashing wave.
Though william had lived at the beach in rented apartments, or motel rooms, or benches when the paychecks grew thinner, he never went more than ankle deep. He had too much respect for the ocean, he reasoned with himself.
His skin grew tan and leathery as he spent his days along the beach. He wondered about the Gold from time to time. He wondered if the gold was the sand on the beach. There was an abudance of it, it was gold colored, but he could never figure out what to do with except to relax in it. Those were always golden times. Strethching out in the warm arms of the sand with the summer ocean rising and falling with the tide. But it just didnt feel like the promise as the squeaky door diner. William was a patient man.
His first summer in California, his brownish hair had turned almost blonde because he was outside all the time, he thought for a while that that was the gold the beach had promised him, but once again, that just didnt feel like it.
Once he saw a man with a longish metal device, slowly beeping as he walked up the beach. Stopping every now and again to dig in the sand. He saw the man pocket some of the things he dug up. He curiosity got the best of him and he approached the man.
"'xcuse me, sir, whats that ya go there." he said in accent that he never lost and that no one could ever place, wasnt molasses enough to southern and all other accents were mostly lost on californians.
"its a metal detector, of course."
"you lookin for gold?"
"Of course not, the gold rush was over more than hundred years ago and that was in the mountains," He dug into his pocket and pulled out a motley assortment of unmatched earrings, old bottle caps, and a couple quarters.
"Sometimes, i find other things too," the man continued, "A fork once, foreign currency sometimes. Some of the jewelry is nice. I found a hammer."
He continued on listing a few other items.
"oh, uh, I see, Thankya, sir."
William walked away and coulndn't help but feeling a little disappointed. He walked back to his shoes a few other personal items he had left when he went to talk to the man and sat down. He couldnt figure what on earth that man would do with all those odds and ends. William was not the most creative fellow. He leaned back on his elbows and watched the waves breaking.
tbc....
The ocean had started its talking once when he went to the picture show. there it was glistening on the black and white screen, moving and alive like nothing he had ever seen. The prairie lands during a windstorm came somewhat close,the tall blades of grass rolling to the winds howl, but not with all that wet intensity of ocean. Miles and miles of water.
15 train rides and 21 odd jobs later he had made it to California. It seemed no matter how long he'd been in this most western state, he never quit being amazed. The women amazed them in their brightly colored bikinis. The number of lanes in the road amazed him. the building with their flat rooftops amazed him. But mostly the ocean amazed it.
It had been calling to him since that picture. It whispering his name in the roar of the trains. "William, William" Whenever he stayed too long in one of those inbetween towns saving up money for the next train ride, it started again. "William, I promise you gold." it said once in the squeak of the hinge of the screen door of the diner where he had been doing dishes. He looked up and towards the door as some customers were leaving. The ocean had never promised him anything before. It usually only said his name, in a soft comforting way, like the voice of momma rocking her child to sleep. He started washing the dishes a little more slowing waiting for more customers to make use of that squeaky screen door. "Gold" is all the voice offered when the next time the screen door was opened.
He quit his job that night, counting the savings he had kept in the pocket of the pants that he packed at the bottom of his one suitcase. Pants that never wore anymore because they had worn so thin and all the belt loops has fallen off.
$98.34 That ought to get me closer.
That night had been about 34 years ago. That next day would be his last train ride. Once he set eyes the ocean, a stormy thing of mysteries, he vowed never to leave. "William, William, william" the ocean spoke with every crashing wave.
Though william had lived at the beach in rented apartments, or motel rooms, or benches when the paychecks grew thinner, he never went more than ankle deep. He had too much respect for the ocean, he reasoned with himself.
His skin grew tan and leathery as he spent his days along the beach. He wondered about the Gold from time to time. He wondered if the gold was the sand on the beach. There was an abudance of it, it was gold colored, but he could never figure out what to do with except to relax in it. Those were always golden times. Strethching out in the warm arms of the sand with the summer ocean rising and falling with the tide. But it just didnt feel like the promise as the squeaky door diner. William was a patient man.
His first summer in California, his brownish hair had turned almost blonde because he was outside all the time, he thought for a while that that was the gold the beach had promised him, but once again, that just didnt feel like it.
Once he saw a man with a longish metal device, slowly beeping as he walked up the beach. Stopping every now and again to dig in the sand. He saw the man pocket some of the things he dug up. He curiosity got the best of him and he approached the man.
"'xcuse me, sir, whats that ya go there." he said in accent that he never lost and that no one could ever place, wasnt molasses enough to southern and all other accents were mostly lost on californians.
"its a metal detector, of course."
"you lookin for gold?"
"Of course not, the gold rush was over more than hundred years ago and that was in the mountains," He dug into his pocket and pulled out a motley assortment of unmatched earrings, old bottle caps, and a couple quarters.
"Sometimes, i find other things too," the man continued, "A fork once, foreign currency sometimes. Some of the jewelry is nice. I found a hammer."
He continued on listing a few other items.
"oh, uh, I see, Thankya, sir."
William walked away and coulndn't help but feeling a little disappointed. He walked back to his shoes a few other personal items he had left when he went to talk to the man and sat down. He couldnt figure what on earth that man would do with all those odds and ends. William was not the most creative fellow. He leaned back on his elbows and watched the waves breaking.
tbc....
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Human
Human
Hu
Hue
Hugh
Huge
Hume
Human
Humanity
huMAN
human beings
Humanity
Huh, Man! ity
bitty
itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout
HuWoman
Huge Woman
Human
Hubris
I think the ants are crawling on ME
Hairy
heartless
chimp-stinct
instinct of a chimpanzee
DO NOT PUSH HIM OFF THE EDGE
Humany
Boney
Fleshy
Flexible
Fiercly
Favorite
Humanity
Manitee
Manitoba
Minuette
Mozart was a human
Jack the ripper too
Bono, Vanna, President after president
a Mayor after a president's heart
Human
Hum
humming
bumming
buzzing
bumble bees are not human
but make honey
Honey - human
sweetheart
sweat heart
hard to hear
I miss him
Human
hug
breath and death
its true the human body grows cold
sold
soul
goal
----
Recommended Viewing: Le Triplets de Belville
Recommended Reading: Words, anywhere anytime
Recommendation: simple wedding are nice.
Hu
Hue
Hugh
Huge
Hume
Human
Humanity
huMAN
human beings
Humanity
Huh, Man! ity
bitty
itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout
HuWoman
Huge Woman
Human
Hubris
I think the ants are crawling on ME
Hairy
heartless
chimp-stinct
instinct of a chimpanzee
DO NOT PUSH HIM OFF THE EDGE
Humany
Boney
Fleshy
Flexible
Fiercly
Favorite
Humanity
Manitee
Manitoba
Minuette
Mozart was a human
Jack the ripper too
Bono, Vanna, President after president
a Mayor after a president's heart
Human
Hum
humming
bumming
buzzing
bumble bees are not human
but make honey
Honey - human
sweetheart
sweat heart
hard to hear
I miss him
Human
hug
breath and death
its true the human body grows cold
sold
soul
goal
----
Recommended Viewing: Le Triplets de Belville
Recommended Reading: Words, anywhere anytime
Recommendation: simple wedding are nice.
Confronted with Weakness
So what do you think about this… I need to find a riskier situation. Routine replaces the need for God. I know where my toothbrush is and that the water is okay to drink. I know where my desk is, what work I need to do there, and when I will get home. Knowing the time zone, the language, street signs, and the bus routes makes me comfortable. Being comfortable takes less prayer and my mind wanders to things that are wholly unholy. Its sad that I am such a distractible creature. I am learning. A human learning curve. I wish I had been here about 3 or 4 years ago when it felt more respectable. I was too responsible a college student. So I signed up for the GRE. Because that is scary. And it cost a lot of money. And that is motivational for me.
wire strangle my finger
Puppeteer me
Across the face, your face
in my dreams, annoy me
wired woman clink clank
squeaky robot
this is not the way, not the way
I know who I am in gunshot helicopter ghetto
I am the white girl who prays for good
For sparkly things to fall from heaven.
But leave the ghetto, and who am I?
Its so cliche it's unbearable.
We will chalk it up to naivte
a moment of lasped thought patterns
I PTL for David, a man after God's one heart, starkly and awkwardly human
a heart filled with cracks and crevices
a heart that hid murder, sex, lies, David could have been a rock star he is so contumacious.
David gives me hope.
Sufjan has a song about a mass murderer John Wayne Gacy, and the last stanza says
And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid
I don't want to take myself too seriously, thinking that i am more than a grain of dust in God's hand, but I also dont want to without purpose float a long like a piece of cracker accidentally dropped in a mug of beer.
wire strangle my finger
Puppeteer me
Across the face, your face
in my dreams, annoy me
wired woman clink clank
squeaky robot
this is not the way, not the way
I know who I am in gunshot helicopter ghetto
I am the white girl who prays for good
For sparkly things to fall from heaven.
But leave the ghetto, and who am I?
Its so cliche it's unbearable.
We will chalk it up to naivte
a moment of lasped thought patterns
I PTL for David, a man after God's one heart, starkly and awkwardly human
a heart filled with cracks and crevices
a heart that hid murder, sex, lies, David could have been a rock star he is so contumacious.
David gives me hope.
Sufjan has a song about a mass murderer John Wayne Gacy, and the last stanza says
And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid
I don't want to take myself too seriously, thinking that i am more than a grain of dust in God's hand, but I also dont want to without purpose float a long like a piece of cracker accidentally dropped in a mug of beer.
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