Its amazing how much peace I have right now. In the agitated breathing of my indecision and moral dilemma I realized 3 things. 1) I was being over dramatic…. 2) I just needed to make a decision 3) everything would be fine either way. So I decided to stay on for 6 more months. Not because anybody told me it was a good idea, or because I didn’t want to let my boss down, but because in the pressure cooker of my own mind and heart after all the steam had evaporated, I wanted to. It was my choice. My adult decision. Sometimes you just have to make decisions and move forward. Not wibble wabble in the land of what ifs… because it aint helpful to agonize over the imagined landscape of what if, so I stopped. One of my coworker said to me, in six months I will still be young. Yes that is true. It’s a good feeling knowing that it is my decision which has led me to be here. It is a good feeling knowing there is an end date. I will start studying for my GREs this weekend.
I will pick up poetry magazines and start looking for Universities with MFA programs, but I really want to double major in Education. I wonder if I can do that.
So for the next big decision I have to make let’s make a list of the things I have learned:
1. Don’t do what other people think is right, you need to know its right by your own conscience.
2. I need time to internally process, say it out loud to someone who is a good non-judgmental listener, and then have a couple of days to within myself live with my decision before I make it public.
3. Don’t be ruled by fear. God has got my back. Even if I make a so-called “wrong decision” it will be redeemable. Put your hand to the plow and don’t look back as some one once said.
4. I am sure there is more. But that is it for now.
2 comments:
I'm glad you've been able to make a decision yr at peace with.
I like your list of things you've learned.
Also, are you still going on a road trip?
yes. i said i needed two weeks off. :) and they obliged.... yeah for learning new things...
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